This is part 8 of my Road Trip Across America.
After leaving Virginia City, I found a hotel in Carson City for the night. When I woke up, I found a breakfast place and ate there. After that I went to a railroad museum.
The museum had several working engines and intact cars. The two neatest pieces for me were an old wood fired steam engine (the stereotypical train you think of when you think train) and a turn of the century car. The windows on the car reminded me of a boat because of the windows. They were round and opened inward where you could lock them in the up position. It was very much styled in the way of the earlier 20th century: wood paneling, green leather, and gold rimmed metal. I think that is called “traveling in class.” It’s truly a shame that we went away from that style. To truly make it work, you’d probably have to wear a monocle, smoke a cigar, and sip on a glass of whiskey on the rocks. My grandpa would’ve loved the museum.
After the museum, I need to make my way towards Las Vegas to meet some friends. It’s about a 7-hour drive from here, so I stopped about halfway in a little town called Tonopah. There were a few hotels around here. I saw a sign that advertised a clown motel. Initially, I didn’t want that, but after stopping at one hotel where all the rooms were booked, fate intervened. “Alex would stay at The World Famous Clown Motel,” the devious writer of my life determined. Plus, it would give me some amount of shock factor when I told my friends. Clowns, here I come.
I parked my car in the parking lot and walked to the hotel lobby. Inside there were a bunch of clown figurines sitting on shelves, thousands of them probably. Even more creepy were the life-size clowns. Some looked evil indeed. One looked like a rip-off Ronald McDonald. The lobby also sold souvenirs. I got a shirt, because who wouldn’t want to tell any and every one that they stayed at this spot of envy? Oh, you stayed in the Bahamas? Pfft. I stayed at a clown motel in Nevada. After getting my key, I went to my room. The color scheme was, well, clownlike. None of the walls matched in color. There was also a picture of Spock in caricature as a clown. After I got settled in, I texted Randee asking her to guess where I’m staying for the night. “Clown motel,” she immediately responded.
The next morning, after not getting killed in my sleep by some clown, I woke up a little early to make the drive the Las Vegas. My friend Shawn was flying in and I had to pick him up. After he got in, we immediately went to In-N-Out. For you East Coasters, In-N-Out is a must try. The burgers are great, as are their fries. Plus, you should get them animal style. Don’t ask me, just do it.
After that, we wanted to shoot some machine guns, so we Googled a place that we could do that. My friend likes modern guns, so he rented a M249 SAW which is a modern, light, belt-fed machine gun. I wanted something more historical, so I rented an MG34 which is a machine gun that the Germans used in WW2 (sorry, Allies). I think we got 20 rounds a piece which isn’t much at all for a machine gun. All 20 are gone in just a few seconds. I also took pride in being the only one at the range who wasn’t shooting modern guns, because, well, I’m classy.
For the rest of the day, we went to some casinos. I’m not much into gambling, but Shawn won about $400 at a slot machine. (For what it’s worth, I lost all $100 that I put in.) Later that night we went to the Penn & Teller theater. Unfortunately we weren’t able to see them because they betrayed America and were currently in Australia (those rat bastards). Instead, we saw Michael Carbonaro. If you’ve ever watched “The Carbonaro Effect” on TV, you’d know that he is the magician who hosts that show. It was really good.
I don’t remember what else we did that night. Shawn probably played blackjack.
The next day another of our friends, Jesus, flew in. But before he flew in, me and Shawn wanted to shoot more machine guns. Of course, Shawn wanted more modern guns. He got a G36, MP5, and UMP45. I, being the classy one, monocle and all, got more WW2 guns: a BAR, an MP40, and an M3 Grease gun. Surprisingly, I liked the grease gun the best. During WW2, the US needed to mass produce cheap guns; this is what the grease gun is. It’s two stamped halves welded together around a heavy bolt and it shoots slow, real slow. The sights are really huge and crude. The gun goes “CHUG-CHUG-CHUG.” The others were fun too.
When Jesus landed we went and picked him up, and knowing us, we again went to In-N-Out. Reliving the day over again.
At night we went walking around the new strip and the casinos. In Vegas there are a lot of half-naked girls who walk around and want to take pictures with you, for money of course. Many dress in large feathers which you can see from far away. It can be aggravating. Eventually Jesus got irritated with them. Every time we would spot them, he would call out “pinche plumas.” This means “fucking feathers” in Spanish.
We went to some more casinos that night. Shawn liked playing blackjack. It’s fun to watch. Shawn tended to win some money, but every time I played I lost almost immediately. The nice thing about playing though is that anyone playing gets free drinks. The drinks at the bars are expensive, so that’s the way the casinos get you to gamble.
When you are walking around Vegas you’ll find cards on the ground. If you pick them up, you’ll realize these are business cards for prostitutes willing to come back to your hotel for a small fee. They show you the naked woman with the price covering up their most sensual parts. Usually, the price is around $150. When me and Shawn were walking around, we saw one on the ground that said $50, the woman staring back. I was like, “Hmm, that’s strange,” and picked it up. I immediately figured out why it was so low and handed it to Shawn. He didn’t see it. Above the price, breasts were staring back, but below, well, let’s just say that it wasn’t a woman. That would be one hell of a surprise.
The next day we went hiking in the Red Rocks Canyon National Conservation Area just outside of Vegas. It was a little bit windy and I had my cowboy hat that I bought in Oklahoma. At one point we were standing on this slanted rock when the wind tugging my hat off my head. I felt it coming off, so I tried to push it back down on my head. But as I did this it came off and I hit the brim. The hat was now in full flying mode, with the hat exactly taking on the full force of the wind like a sail. It went about 15 feet in the air. Luckily it landed on a tree just on the edge of the slanted rock we were standing on so I could grab it. Out there we also saw some of those burrowing spiders. They were fast as hell.
 |
| Clown Motel Sign |
 |
| Clown Motel Lobby |
 |
| Shawn in front of a fun truck |
 |
| Me, Shawn, & Jesus in Red Rocks |
